This is the first step toward one of my personal goals, and what better place to start talking about this topic. I have come to believe, through my work with people in a mental health setting, in a church setting and with parents seeking to regain custody of their children that everybody wants to be better. The problem comes, however, when they (we) inadvertently try to be better than someone else rather than be better than we were before. We look at all of the issues/faults/problems that exist in our own lives, and we find that they seem too large to overcome.
Rather than try to tackle these problems in our lives, we just look around us. We can always find someone who is worse than we are, so we draw some sort of comfort from that. At other times we become aware of those who are better than we are. Then we are faced with finding a rationale that will explain why they are better than us, convincing ourselves that this doesn’t really matter, or using this as motivation to improve ourselves. Whatever path we choose, it is primarily based on a comparison to others.
I noticed this most clearly when I was going to a gym on a regular basis. As I walked in, I immediately began to compare myself to others. I worked out with the owner of the gym who was also a former football player. Some days he got more of a workout unloading his weights off of the bench press bar so I could do my lifts, only to load his back on again. It was very intimidating to be his workout partner, and I always felt inadequate. To compensate for this, I began to look around at the other people in the gym. I was glad to see those who were skinnier than me, lifting less than me or running slower than me.
To some extent we do the same in our religious settings. There are some who we look up to spiritually, and we can easily become intimidated by them. There is no way I could be better than them. There are others, on the other hand, who are obviously less spiritual than I. The irony is that while I don’t want to spend time with them, I console myself and remain content (complacent?) with where I am because I am better than them.
I am convinced that we have it all wrong. As long as we are able to identify those who we consider worse than us we will be able to assuage the guilt incurred by those who are better than us. This can’t be right/good/helpful. This allows us to avoid dealing with the central issue, which is that we are flawed and need to be better. I have worked myself, and want through this site to encourage others to do the same, to admit my failures and weaknesses. More than just admitting them, I want to accept them as my starting point – my baseline. Then my efforts will be to be better, not than others around me but be better than I was before. This begins a process of steady improvement that allows us to make positive changes in our lives.
I want this site to be a collection of information, thoughts, and comments that will help us all be better. This will not be a site for professional advice, but a gathering place for mutual encouragement. I want to share my thoughts about being a better Christian, a better husband, and a better parent. I would love to get feedback from any and all readers who want to be a part of the conversation. Because I am a Christian, this site is based on those principles and any content that is inappropriate will be removed.
